I've Just Seen A Porn Face
by hotforteacher
Summary: /Nice try, but I know your porn face and that's not it./ Just like porn, there is no real plot! :P Rated very strong T!
1. March 3, 2005

**Hi there! I got the idea from the episode 'Veronica'! I got most of the title from the Beatles song! There's going to be four chapters! I am almost finished with it! Hope ya'll like!**

**Don't own a-thing!**

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March 3, 2005

It was late, when Gillian decided that she needed to take the big pile of papers to Cal's office. She left her long forgotten shoes under her desk as she picked up the thick mound. She carefully maneuvered her way through her office and down the hallway. She briefly stopped in front of Cal's office, surprised to see the light was still on. She took a deep breath and then went in saying, "Hey Cal, didn't know you were still… What's wrong?"

She looked to see that he was very alarmed to see her in his office. He swallowed hard and said, "Oh nothing, just getting some work done."

Gillian bent over and put the papers down on his coffee table. "Here are the files for the IRS. They must really hate you if they keep asking for all of this stuff. Is that the Cooper video you are watching?"

Cal was not listening to her what-so-ever. "Yes," he mumbled, he was too busy looking at Gillian to notice what he answered. She turned around and briskly walked over to his desk. He quickly closed his computer and asked, "What the hell are you doing?"

Gillian looked innocently down upon him, "I was just going to show you something that I saw with the husband. Why did you close your computer so fast?" Cal held his breath and shrugged his shoulders. She noticed that his ears turned slightly pink. His eyes gave him away, they were like black saucers. "Were you watching porn?"

Cal let go off his breath and tilted back to get a better look at his partner, "Now why would you think that? I told you I was watching the Anderson video and that's what I was doing."

Gillian smirked. "I asked you if you were watching the Cooper video not the Anderson video. You were watching porn, weren't you? Don't deny it. Your eyes gave you away, not to mention the touch of pink on your ears." He subconsciously touched his ears. Gillian crossed her arms and started to walk towards the door, "Fine, I'll let you get back to your porn. I just hope for your sake," she stopped at the door and turned to look at him, "that it's good porn."

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**Okay, now I need some funny and/or sexy porn titles! Don't be shy, smuttyness is where some of you guys shine, so either review or drop me a line! Thanks!**


	2. October 27, 2007

**Wow - Thanks for all of the support! I am very thankful, as it is Thanksgiving (or it was)! Okay, now the porn title I came up with is very cheesy (like cheez-whiz cheesy)! I don't know if there is a real porn video out there with the same title; but just in case, I don't own that either! :P **

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October 27, 2007

She couldn't breathe in that house. They had just taken her precious daughter away and she felt like she was like a fish out of water. Her breathe was short, her pulse going a million miles per minute and her heart felt like there was tight fist over it. Alec didn't help; he just disappeared without a word. Maybe he did say something to her but she didn't hear him.

So here she stood, on the front porch of Cal's home. She remembered hearing him say that Zoe had Emily for the weekend. She hesitated before knocking softly on the door. She heard his muffled voice say, "Bloody hell Emily, what else did you forget, other than your keys?" He opened the door and was surprised to see Gillian instead of Emily there. She looked down not saying a word. He looked over her and noticed that her eyes were swollen and red from crying and that she was shivering from the cold. She had not bothered to put a coat on before leaving her house. He grabbed her elbow and dragged her into the house, she didn't protest. "Gillian, what happened? Are you hurt?" He steered her towards his couch. He took the throw blanket and placed it around her trembling body. He sat next to her and waited for her to talk.

In a very feeble voice, she uttered, "They took her." Tears were starting to make their way down her face. "The people from the adoption agency took Sophie away from us. Her mom changed her mind."

He drew her into a hug and quietly said, "I'm sorry, Luv. Is there anything I can do for you?"

It was a while before she answered. "I don't want your sympathies Cal, but I do need a very strong drink."

"One strong drink coming up." He left the couch and searched his stash for his strongest drink. While he was looking, he asked, "So where is Alec? Was he there when they took her?" He looked over to where she was and saw that she was hunched over the coffee table staring at something.

Then she looked over at him and said, "He was there but I don't know where he went." He shrugged his shoulders and went back to searching. "Cal, was I interrupting something when I knocked on your door?"

"Of course not, Luv. You're always welcome over here." He found his worst scotch in the back and picked up two glasses.

"I know, but were you about to watch a movie?"

He was about to turn when he stiffened. Then he decided to roll with the punches, "As a matter of fact, I was about to watch 'Hot Babes on Park's Avenue' when you came ringing, but I can put that away for next time." He set the bottle and glasses down and took the DVD out of her hand.

"Is it good?"

He was not expecting that to come out of her mouth. He glanced over at her and he could tell that she wasn't expecting it either. "It's an oldie but a goodie. It was the one I was watching when you walked in on me that one time." He looked down at the half naked chick touching herself on the cover. "I haven't seen it since then."

"Don't let me stop you from enjoying it." She got up and removed the blanket that was wrapped around her. "Thanks for the drink offer, but I should get going."

She was half way towards the door when he dropped the DVD onto the couch and ran after her. "No, you don't have to go. You can stay and we can watch anything you want."

She was already at the door when she smiled. "Thanks, but I think I need to get home. Alec is probably there going crazy trying to find me." They both knew that it wasn't true. She placed her hand on his arm. "Thank you for everything. It made me feel better."

"Here," he grabbed his coat from the stand and draped it around her, "take this. You're going to freeze to death. But make sure to bring it to me tomorrow."

"Thanks for everything, Cal. It really means a lot. Maybe next time we can watch your movie together." She gave him a big smile before walking out the door.

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**Please review! Thank you Rugbygirrl for that website! They had a lot of funny ones!**


	3. August 13, 2009

**Well, hello! Thanks again for the support! Also, big shout out to Rugbygirrl again for the heads up about the porn names! I used a lot of it, so I don't own any of those movies! Seriously, I was dying laughing when I read the list! Go check out the website! It's on the reviews page of this fic! I'm thinking about adding one more chap to this story, so there will be 2 more chaps!**

**Rated strong T for the titles of the porn!**

**So, this is about to get really silly, almost bordering on cheesiness! Enjoy! :D**

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August 13, 2009

He couldn't believe that he was standing on her front porch. Something drew him to her but he was still trying to figure it out. The woman at the bar was more than willing to spend that night with him but he didn't need her type of warmth. He needed a friend, someone who would love him even after the morning came and gone. He knocked on the door and was please to see that Gillian looked relaxed when she opened the door. She looked genuinely concerned but the love showed through. He surprised himself when he asked, "Can I sleep in your spare bedroom tonight, if it's not too much of a problem?" He was even more shocked that she opened her door to let him in.

When she closed the door, she said, "You remember where it is. The clothes are in the top right drawer. If you want, you can come down for some hot tea. I was just about to brew some when you knocked."

He nodded as he made his way up the stairs. He turned into the first bedroom and switched on the lights. He went straight over to the drawers and opened the one she specified. He grabbed the clothes but was taken aback when his fingers grazed something that was plastic. He moved the other clothes around to find a stash of porn. There was about five of them there. He took them out and read each title; 'The Slutty Professor', 'Sex Toy Story', 'Octoberpussy' and 'Tale of Two Titties'. When he got to the last one, he was amazed to see 'Hot Babes on Park's Avenue'. He didn't know what turned him on more; the good porn videos in his hands or the fact that he found a porn stash in Gillian's house. He put them back into the drawer and quickly changed out of his clothes.

When he walked through the kitchen, Gillian was just pouring the tea into the cups. She asked, "Did you find everything okay?"

"Oh yes I did. Very much so." He was kicking himself inwardly at his apparent rush of excitement.

She looked up, confusion coving ever inch of her face. But, then she saw his saucer sized pupils and her face broke into a grin. "You found them?"

"Yup. Why are they in the guest bedroom and not yours?" He sat down on the barstool.

Her face went from a neutral cream color to a deep crimson red. "Oh, well I know you like porn and I figured if you were going to stay over here then I might as well get some movies that you like. All I have down here is chick flicks." She paused before nervously asking, "Did you like the selection?" She was trying to change the subject.

"The selection is wonderful, but you didn't answer my question." No dice.

She sat down next to him on a barstool and took a deep sigh. "Well, I have my own stash of porn, okay. Geez, you know how to make something so innocent so awkward."

He held up his hands in surrender, "You're the one with stacks of porn around your house."

They sat in an awkward silence sipping their tea. When Gillian was finished, she got up and placed her cup in the sink. She turned to Cal and said, "Well, I'm off to bed. Today has been very taxing, you know, saving your life and all."

He placed his cup in the sink and smirked. "Yeah, yeah, you're off to watch porn. I can tell by looking at your eyes; their like bloody black holes." She blushed again. "Yup, tonight is a porn night for you, isn't it? It would have been for me if I was at home, but now that I have some here..." His voice trailed off; he knew he was babbling.

Gillian was biting the inside of her lip. "Well, we can watch it out in the living room if you want. I just put in surround sound."

Cal's ears turned pink, "Well don't you need to be alone to… you know… to…"

Gillian filled it in for him, "Masturbate? No Cal, I can do that all on my own, no porn needed." She grinned as she walked into the living room. "Now which one do you want to watch? I have 'Few Hard Men', 'Cum on my Range' and 'Sex Trek: The Next Penetration'. My personal favorite is 'Cum on my Range' but that's because the mountain are very pretty in the background. I think it was shot in Colorado."

Cal sprawled out across the couch. "Only you would notice the mountains in the background."

She threw the DVD box at his head. "Ha. Ha. You are so funny."

"I'm about to watch porn with you, don't I have the right?"

She rolled her eyes as she pressed play. She then sat on the sofa, placing between her and Cal a good 12 inches. When the credits were done, she tucked her feet under her body. The scene had started with a man named 'Dirk' and a woman named 'Brittney' getting stuck in a cabin during a snow storm. "This one has a story line. I love the ones with a story line. It helps the movie go along better." She was trying to fill in the awkward tension.

He placed his hand on her shoulder and said, "You know if this is too weird for you, then we can just hit stop." Dirk and Brittney found out that they didn't have enough firewood to last through the night.

She was forcing herself to look at the TV when she whispered, "I've never watched any of these with anyone before."

"Not even with Alec?" Dirk kept staring at Brittney's large chest while she kept looking at his pants. Then Dirk suggested that they get closer to each other to stay warm.

She closed her eyes and crinkled her forehead, "Alec never enjoyed them. He always said why buy watch them when we can do it for free." Dirk and Brittney looked at each other with soft, sexual eyes. They started to kiss each other.

Cal turned his attention back onto the TV. Dirk and Brittney were just starting to take off their clothes. As Dirk started touching Brittney, she instantly started to moan. "You know, Zoe never liked them either, especially after Emily was born. When she kicked me out of the house, she burned my stash in the fireplace."

They both sat in silence watching Dirk and Brittney getting it on. Gillian was biting her lip but she made sure her eyes were on the screen. After Dirk came, she said, "You know, it would be kind of awesome if they had porno's on Blu-Ray. You would be able to get a look at the behind the scenes and it would be in a better picture quality."

Cal's eyes lit up, "It would be better if there was 3-D porn on Blu-ray." It was like letting the dam breaking; Gillian started to giggle but then it turned into a full blown out laughter. Cal quickly followed suit, noticing how infectious her laugh was.

As she was wiping the tears away from her eyes, she said, "I wouldn't even try to guess how much that would be, but the porn industry would make a lot of money."

As the laughter died away, they went back to watching the TV. It was a new scene with new people. They were outside getting ready to ski. The man was tall, dark and handsome and the woman was blonde and very busty. The camera angle had a great view of the mountains in the background. Cal looked over to Gillian with a huge grin plastered across his face and said, "You know, the mountains are very beautiful in this movie."

Gillian giggled. "Cal, would I ever steer you in the wrong direction?"

He placed his hand over her hand and quietly said, "Never in a million years, Luv."

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**My personal favorite title was 'Sex Trek: The Next Penetration'! HAHAHAHAHA!**


	4. July 10, 2010

**Hi there! So second to last chap! Hope ya'll are still liking! Post-ep for 'Darkness and Light'! I couldn't resist! Could you? :P**

**Strong T still!**

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July 9, 2010

It was late at night, Cal made sure that he was the only one left in the building by checking the security cameras. Once the coast was clear, he picked up his phone and called a number from a business card. When the secretary picked up, he said, "I want to talk to Orson... I was the bloke in there a couple days ago, willing to pay him a lot of money. He will remember me." That seemed to get the point across. When Orson picked up, Cal leaned back into his chair and said, "Orson, Lightman here. I saw you a couple days ago for a business proposition."

"Yes, Mr. Lightman, I do remember you from yesterday. How can I help you and your wife?" Cal didn't feel the need to correct Orson when he said wife. He just told him exactly what he wanted from the business man. Even though Cal didn't see him, he could tell that he was nodding. "I have some great choices to choose from. Would you like me to e-mail you a list-"

"No, no. Just send me two of the best ones you got. I will be putting it on my wifes account. All you need to do is to make sure that it is here by tomorrow. Am I clear?"

"Crystal, Mr. Lightman. Is there anything else I can do for you?" Cal hung up on him. He leaned back into his chair and grinned.

July 10, 2010

Gillian was in her office, filling out paper work. It was pretty late at night so her shoes were abandoned to the side and jazz played softly from the stereo. All of a sudden something was thrown onto her desk next to where she was writing. She dropped her pen and picked up the plastic boxes. She smirked as she read the titles; "Bondage in the Park" and "Hung Wankenstein". She looked up to see Cal's grinning face.

He held out his hand as to help him explain, "It's to get you through the night, Luv." She creased her brow in confusion. "I can just imagine you staying up all of those nights dreaming about being tied up. And don't tell me it was part of the act because I saw the truth right… there." He pointed to her mouth; in which a very small smirk crossed her face. She frowned at his finger. "These particular selections have a lot of bondage in them. I got them through Olson. He was gracious enough to send them to me; of course using your account." He was staring at her waiting for her to say something. When she didn't, he shrugged his shoulders and brightly said, "Right, enjoy." He turned around to leave.

"Seriously Cal," he turned when she said his name. "Are these the best you can do?" He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "I have a better one at my house called 'Bondage Street'. It's about the different types of bondage that couples can use. It's quite fascinating!" She looked down to read the information on the back while her cheeks turned bright red.

When she didn't say anything for a couple of minutes, he quipped, "Well you look like you know what you are doing." He sauntered on back to the door.

Before he got to the door, she coughed and said, "Where are you going? I thought we were going to watch these together." He turned to see her eyes glittering with mischief. She stood up to put on her shoes and turned off her stereo. She stuffed the DVDs into her purse and made her way to his side.

When she switched off the lights, he grabbed her hand. "I thought you would never ask." After walking in a comfortable silence to the elevator, he asked, "So this means you like to be tied up?" he was trying not to look too interested in her answer, but he was failing miserably.

"You're the detection expert!" She gave him a pointed look. When his ears turned pink, she softened her features. "I've never really tried it before. Have you?"

"And what if I have?"

She mimicked his shrug from earlier and said in a sing-song voice,"I guess there's always a first for everything." She winked at him as he bounced on the balls of his shoes.

Before the elevator closed Cal whispered, "God bless porn."

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**Next chap is the last!**

**Can anyone tell me when 'Lie to Me' is going to start back up again? I haven't heard anything!**


	5. November 23, 2010

**Hi there! So this is the last chap, unless I see fit to write another one from future episodes (if FOX decided to get their head out of their asses)! I know this is kinda short but there was no other way around it. Thanks for sticking with me!**

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November 23, 2010

It was late at night and Veronica was safe back in her bed. Cal walked into his bedroom and shrugged off the clothes from the day. This case had certainly hit too close to home. And as Emily is with that Liam wanker he was in need of some visual therapy. Just as he was about to peruse his stash was when he heard the shower being turned off, but he didn't worry about it. Oh God, did he need her warmth right about now. Her soft brown hair and her caring eyes. She came in just as Emily was getting into Liam's car. Emily doesn't even know about her and me just yet, but why rush to tell her?

He was turning on the TV when the subject of his thoughts said, "It's a porn kind of night, isn't it?"

"Are you a mind reader?" He noticed that her wet hair was dripping onto the carpet but he didn't care. Even the towel hugged her every curve.

"No but I can tell by your face that it's going to be a porn night." She pointed and wagged her finger in his face. "It's written all over, don't you know? Your eyes are like saucers plus your ears turn pink."

He grabbed her waist and brought her down to the bed. He took the remote control and pressed play. She had thrown her towel on the floor and snuggled into the covers. She looked up at him with her aroused blue eyes and asked, "Which one did you put in?"

He plastered a silly grin across his face. "The one we made last week, Luv." He snuggled into the covers with her.

Gillian sat up on her elbow and asked, "I thought you were going to lock that up?"

He wagged his eyebrows, "Well we can always make another one."

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**Okay, so I am no good with sex scenes so I will just leave it at that and you can use your own imagination! ;D**


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